“Willing to” vs “Wanting to”

“Willing to” vs “Wanting to” are two different positions which are useful to reflect and get clarity about with regard to creating consensual agreement.

Willing to...

  • It’s your preference (not mine)
  • I’m available for…
  • I have access to my generosity
  • I need to take care of my limits

Wanting to…

  • It’s my preference (not yours)
  • I’m asking for…
  • I have access to my needs and desires
  • I must respect your limits

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Why is consent useful?

Without consent we are just guessing

Consent is the agreement reached by two or more people. This may involve a certain amount of negotiation; for each person to realise what they want, to communicate and listen to find a mutual agreement. Without consensual agreement we are fumbling around in the dark. This can include guessing what the other person may want or be available for. If we have an intuition in relating, we can check this out by asking the other whether our inkling is correct, and get clarity rather than just guessing. Why is consent useful? We all have needs and wants as social beings. Without consensual agreement we will probably try to get our needs met in some other way. Examples include expecting, manipulating or trying to force what we want.

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